Letting Go of Perfectionism
- Tracy Douthwaite
- Feb 10
- 4 min read
Why "Good Enough" is Enough.
Perfectionism is a trait that is often lauded in today’s society, with many seeing it as necessary for success. However, when perfectionist tendencies become excessive, they can contribute to stress or anxiety. In the UK, the increase in perfectionism, particularly among young people over the last 30 years, alongside the rise in anxiety, is worrying.
As with anything in life, I am always looking for some balance; there is nothing wrong with striving to reach high standards if you can gain perspective and not let it define your sense of self. Here I am discussing when perfectionism impacts our wellbeing. For full disclosure, I am not a perfectionist; I'm more "that will be ok," but I have worked with many perfectionists and also share procrastination tendencies!
Causes of Perfectionism
Why does there continue to be a rise in perfectionism? The reasons are nuanced and different for each individual, but the following are some of the key drivers.
Social Media: Social media presents a skewed version of reality, promoting unrealistic standards of success, looks and lifestyle. This leads many individuals to compare themselves unfavourably to others, leading to self-criticism and perfectionism.
Education: Our education system places significant emphasis on grades. constantly measuring individuals against others. Students often feel immense pressure to achieve top marks, which can cultivate perfectionist behaviours that persist into adulthood. However well you do, there is often still a feeling of failure as someone is "better".
Workplace Expectations: Many workplaces have demanding cultures where perfection is expected. Employees may feel the need to overwork and avoid mistakes at all costs to progress. They may feel they need to be better than others, leading to stress and burnout.
Parental Influence: Parents with high expectations may unintentionally instil perfectionist tendencies in their children. Whether through academic expectations or extracurricular achievements, children may internalise the belief that mistakes mean failure or that success defines their worth.
Impact of Perfectionism
Perfectionism may lead to some of the following behaviours:
Procrastination: Ironically, perfectionists often delay tasks out of fear that their work will not meet their own high standards. This can lead to increased stress, inefficiency and feeling unworthy.
Overworking and Burnout: Many perfectionists push themselves excessively in work or studies, believing that anything less than perfection is unacceptable. This can result in exhaustion and decreased overall productivity.
Fear of Failure: Perfectionists often struggle with taking risks or trying new things due to the overwhelming fear of making mistakes. This can limit opportunities for personal and professional growth.
Difficulty Accepting Criticism: Constructive feedback is often perceived as a personal attack rather than a chance for improvement, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Low Self-Esteem and Anxiety: The constant striving for perfection can take a toll on mental health, contributing to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, particularly when expectations are not met. The underlying message the perfectionist is hearing is "I'm not good enough"
How can we change our perfectionist tendencies?
Encouraging a healthier balance between ambition and self-compassion can be achieved through some of the following ideas:
Awareness and Self-Acceptance: Notice your perfectionist tendencies, accept where you are and make a decision to change your patterns. Not easy, but 1st step. Journal your thoughts and feelings to build further awareness.
Understand Root Cause: What is driving this need to be perfect? How has your self-worth become defined by being “the best”? Use the journalling mentioned above, think about childhood patterns, talk with friends or family or seek professional support.
Set Realistic Goals: Perfectionists often set unattainable goals, leading to frustration and disappointment. Instead, breaking tasks into achievable steps and setting realistic expectations can promote steady progress without undue pressure. Learning to set attainable and flexible goals can reduce stress and enhance productivity.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treating yourself with kindness and understanding is essential in overcoming perfectionism. Rather than engaging in harsh self-criticism, acknowledge your efforts and appreciate your progress. You are doing your best.
Embrace Mistakes as Learning Opportunities: Mistakes are a natural part of growth. Learning to view them as stepping stones rather than setbacks can help reduce the fear of failure and enhance confidence. We are human; we all make mistakes.
Adopt a Growth Mindset: Shifting from a perfectionist mindset to a growth mindset can help you see mistakes as opportunities for learning rather than failures. Accepting that imperfection is a part of progress fosters resilience and adaptability.
Challenge Perfectionist Thoughts: Perfectionists often hold rigid and unrealistic beliefs about success. Identifying and questioning your thoughts can help in developing a more balanced and flexible approach to work and personal life.
Prioritise Mental and Physical Wellbeing: Overworking and striving for perfection can take a toll on health. Engaging in self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, and socialising can help maintain a healthier balance.
Limit Social Media Comparison: Social media can exacerbate perfectionist tendencies by promoting unrealistic standards. Reducing its use and focusing on your positives can help mitigate feelings of inadequacy.
Celebrate Progress, Not Just Outcomes: Focusing on the journey rather than just the final result can help you appreciate growth. Recognising effort and small achievements fosters motivation and self-confidence.
Seek Support: Talking to trusted friends, family, or a therapist can provide valuable perspective and encouragement. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be helpful for some in addressing negative thought patterns associated with perfectionism.
Creating a Balanced Approach
We all have a role to play in highlighting the challenges of perfectionism. Encouraging open conversations: Workplaces, schools, and families can play a role in creating environments where mistakes are viewed as learning opportunities rather than failures.
Overcoming perfectionism does not mean lowering standards but instead finding a balance between ambition and wellbeing. By adopting healthier perspectives and practical strategies, we can cultivate self-acceptance and lead more fulfilling lives. The key is to aim for progress rather than perfection, allowing room for growth, learning, and enjoyment in all aspects of life.
If you wish to find out more about perfectionism, this is a helpful book to start:
You might also want to read one of my recent blogs, Learning to Love Ourselves
or Living Authentically - Embrace your Inner Truth, which may help you build a new relationship with yourself.
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